Perceived neglect

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http://www.stopinjusticenow.com/News_0664.htm
One Thursday lunchtime, Lisa Bacon was visited by social services after an anonymous caller reported her for allowing her seven-year-old son to walk to school alone. Had she done wrong? Thursday, 1pm, about to have lunch. Knock at the door. It's a woman from children's services come to investigate an anonymous report made about me to the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC). Was it true, she asked, that I let my seven-year-old walk to and from school alone, that I left him home alone, and that I let my youngest child (three) play unsupervised in the road out front? My appetite evaporated, as did any peace of mind, for the next few weeks. How is a parent supposed to react to allegations of neglect? I was, and am still, upset, even though I know the complaints are unjustified. Seven weeks earlier, I had started letting my son (who's now eight) travel 1km each way to and from school alone. We live in a quiet residential area and almost the only cars on the road are those on the schoolrun. We discussed where was safe to cross and I followed behind as I have another school-age child, so I always knew my son got to school OK. After school we met before he headed off. He had a key to let himself in at home because he got so far ahead. Twice my younger child had been too ill to attend school, so I let my nearly eight-year-old son go to school without me following behind. He loved the independence. He whizzed off on his scooter - he was never late to school any more. He whizzed home to use the toilet, have a snack, start his homework. He didn't argue with, or have to wait about for, dawdling and temperamental siblings. On a few occasions, he left the house to come back up the road to chat with us coming home. I expressed considerable praise the first time - because he remembered to lock the door behind him, and I hadn't talked about that previously. Suddenly, my son felt a tangible link between privilege and responsibility. He's been keen since to show himself as responsible in other ways. There were hiccups; once I left my son playing just inside the school gate, expecting him to follow soon after. Instead he got into a fight, and after that I always waited for him to go out of the gates before I headed home. Once he had a lift home from another well-meaning parent. It was a good opportunity to reiterate that he mustn't take lifts home from school, even from people we know. Also, since his seventh birthday, on a handful of occasions, I had left him alone at home so I could do the school run. Typically for about 25 minutes, always because he was ill or recovering from illness and it seemed cruel to get him dressed and drag him up to school and back for such a short period. Once he had a strop about not wanting to go to school. Exasperated, I left him alone to quickly take my other child up to the school; after I left, he changed his mind and followed behind. In the two weeks preceding my visit from the council, I had twice left him at home alone briefly for less urgent reasons - dashing for a newspaper (12 minutes) or to take another child to swimming lessons (25 minutes). We had long and repeated chats about safety issues - what to do if there's smoke or fire, no cooking when home on his own, no helping anybody look for their lost puppy, no going into other people's houses on the way to school, always watch for cars, etc. As for the claim that cars were having to brake suddenly to avoid hitting my littlest child in the road out front - I was flummoxed. "When?" I said. But there were no more details. My youngest has dashed into the road on occasions. I think I can remember waving thanks to drivers who had to slow down suddenly. Or maybe in the mornings, starting off to school when the children sometimes stood at the top of the drive (still off the road), waiting for me to lock the door - did drivers get worried then? The only awful incident was when a lady brought my toddler to the door to say he'd been out in the road alone. He had unexpectedly learned to undo latches on the side gate. We put an extra latch on the outside, where he couldn't reach. I thought we'd done enough. But now I found my competence as a parent being questioned. Maybe I deserved to be told off for my (many) mistakes and misjudgments. But how many of us have made parenting decisions that we soon regretted or that other people didn't like? I might have expected some disapproval from others for my actions but I didn't expect anyone to report me for it. The woman from children's services left without telling me to change anything I was doing. A week later, a letter came saying (only) that in the view of social services, my son was too young to leave home alone, even for short periods. He should be supervised at all times. I wrote back, to clarify whether "all times" applied to the school journey, too. And at what age would my son be, in the view of social services, old enough to leave unsupervised for specified periods? Up to half an hour, up to two hours? Without specific guidance from social services I don't see how I can avoid coming to their attention again. I still await their reply. At a time when we are repeatedly warned that we should let children take more risks and have more freedom, it didn't seem so ridiculous to try giving my eight-year-old a little responsibility. I am not a self-confident person, and I've struggled ever since with parenting decisions - caught between my instincts and the fear of "What will someone else think?" My sleep is disturbed; it's hard to relax. Maybe I should just drive all my children to and from school, instead. This would pollute the air, add to global warming, add to the risk of road accidents around the school, and contribute to the risk of my children becoming obese - but nobody would report me to the NSPCC about any of those things. I'm not a fighter or a campaigner. If children's services tell me not to do something, I won't do it - the last thing I want is for them to keep their file open on me. If someone else says, "I wouldn't let my eight-year-old walk outside or stay at home alone," I have no opinion. Individuals should make up their own minds about what risks they find tolerable to expose themselves and their families to. That's not the same as declaring that everyone else should balance risks against possible benefits. Anyway, the decision has been taken away from my family; I don't feel we have the same choices as other parents in these matters any more. We have been disempowered by a single, anonymous phone call.